29 May 09

Loser.

Subjects are in random orders, I got bad memory.

Yeahman! Holiday started.
I'm going to be a busy women(:
Training about 6 times a week(Including weights training on Sun)
& still looking for job.
Haha, Why do i even want to work?! haha!
Earn extra cash, buy stuffs I want.
Get working experience? Past time?

School gave lots of homework.
I got back my report book today,
I saw the results& I'm utterly disappointed with myself :((
Eng& HMT B4
Maths& Sci A1
Geog C6
Lit D7
DnT B4
Art E8
L1R4 14
L1R5 20
I'm determined to ACE all my subjects next half of the yr.
I want to be back at the Top 10 placing.
I want Triple Science+ PE

I love Durian PanCake! Fabulous!
Admiralty Basketball court became so different,
change of people. I hate it.
I lost my ball sense.
I hate Smokers!
My Brother's coming back Sin tonight!

sometimes, people do have their own limits.
However much they appear to be happy like forever,
there's a point in life when you see the change in them.
Never pull apart from them,
it's the fact that they cant control themselves anymore.
Their emotions are beyond control
till then when they get that control back,
be by them to push them back.

The fact that I hate school is because I have to change according to who I'm with.
None of myself.
I think I'm too tired to think.
Sleeping& Eating helps to drown my sorrows A LOT!
I'll talk more some other time.
I just want to calm down& reflect.

I keep a lot of things to myself.
Till when I cant control anymore,
I just tear the whole night
and I'm fine the next day.
Just a cycle that happens to me.
I dont express myself out,
I seem emotionless.
But recently, I leaked out a little sometimes,
& that's not me.

I never want that feeling to go away.
But a part of me ask me to just let go,
just hurt you for that short period of time and you will be gone.
parts and pieces of you widen that smile on my face
but just a tiny happening take that smile away for long.
that cycle of ours is like forever, it never ends properly.
How many more cycles must we take to settle down?
What are we?
Time will bring us apart.
I never want it to happen :(



You always fail to make me cry(:
haha, you and your lovely heart(:
You are always there for me.
Fabulous(:

ILoveYou Darling.

28 May 09

tml's the last day of school!
I didnt wanted to go school,
but I realised i need to collect my report book cause I dont have PTC ^^
anyway, I'm using my new phone alrdy :D
E63, quite user-friendly.
Weather's really hot these few days.
anyway,
Happy Birthday Mr Yeo& Alvin!(:
Me& Ellie were talking about our class guys,
I think most of them became more mature,
and it's quite fun playing with them.
Past my time these few days crapping and playing "Murderer" in class.
:D



I guess I had that little guilt in me which made me thought of myself.
Sorry. We will be better, wont we?
(:
I can feel the difference in myself.
Sometimes, I wonder why.
I'll try to change back.
I'm giving off too much attitudes and myself.

I'm sorry, I didnt mean to give you attitude,
It wasnt on purpose.
you were really moody.
I didnt know what to say further.
I dont wish to hurt you anymore.
The more I sms you,
the more I think I'm just irritating you.
like, How you wish I was never in your life?
You dont seem to speak your true feelings to me,
or am I just thinking too much?
I still cant figure out what's between us.

ThankYouYouYou!

I'm happy when you are(:

ILoveYou

25 May 09

I love it a lot.

thank you(:

I'm lost for words actually.

haha! I love you.

Mood: Happy

I could smell happiness early in the morning when I wake up :D
I knew today would be great.
Though the weather is killing hot hot hot hot!
My whole shirt was wet when I was standing at attention during assembly!
Only me and Ellie was sweating, seriously SWEATING!
Weirdos!
Lessons as usual.
Language teachers are not teaching.
Maths&Science lessons carry on.
Eng/MT, watched happy feet & Secret(:
School ends, and it's time for training :D
I didnt dread it, I was looking forward to it!
So, due to Prelims, we had to move those tables& chairs and put it back to place after training again. We did it altogether, and manage to use a short period of time (:
Started training very on time, I love it!
I could feel the little change here and there.
We did everything ourselves, without Coach there.
just us :D Yeahman!
I think throwing of balls during the start of training totally ruined my mood.
I just feel like screaming la!
My hand hurt like hell.
I totally cant use any strength.
:((
butbutbut,
DaFang was crap! total crap!
Not hell crap, happy crap.
haha! I laugh till cannot stop.
Kim la! Her fault!
haha! We spent 3/4 of our time Laughing and rolling on the floor.
We imitate Cat& Faith DaFang, damn funny!
Seriously, I couldnt stop!
haha! Then last ball. We promised each other to hang in there to play a nice one.
then when she spiked, Ciyin shouted" Jiannnn Qiuuuuuu Lerrrr!"
haha! I gunDi and started laughing again.
What's the problem huh!
I lose quite a lot of energy laughing though XD
Rest of training was quite usual.
Match was fun. My team's Fabulous(:
I'm proud of Kim^^
Kim, get a nice sleep huh, stay strong :D
The team's going to be alright, I assure you.
Cass's damn sweet, "You want to fight ah?!"
haha! I laugh each time I think of that.
Thanks Cass!
If you are willing to enjoy,
If you are willing to smile brightly,
You will never regret doing it.
Cause gradually, you will learn to love& enjoy it(:
God is AWESOME(:

Wahaha!
My mum bought "Boys over Flowers" DVD!
yeahman! :D
JealousJealous?
haha! & she bought their soundtracks too!
I'm waiting "patiently' for my new phone :D
Ellie is sooo killing me.
haha! She's still as crappy as ever.
I boyfriend's name should start with a letter "D".
Quiz from facebook. hah!
D? Darius?Daniel?
lalala! I love Elaine.
haha! Thanks Banana(: I promise you.
You never fail to make me laugh.

I'm happy to find a topic to talk with you.

It's rare for us to talk much.

Each time we have those long chats,

I see myself smiling infront of the com.

I want you to be happy like how

you always tell me you want me to be happy too.

:)

24 May 09

Pull us together as One.

I really want to change.
I really want to change back.
Those heavy stones on my shoulders are pushing me lower and lower.
How can I lead without that little respect from you?
I'm not asking for a lot.
I'm sorry if I've upset you.
& I can feel the distance between us too.
How you normally come screaming to me and stuffs.
It's drifting away.
I really hope I gain you back.
What is happening to the team is affecting me a lot.
What is going to happen is not what I want to see.
I dont want to lose a friend.
I dont believe friends come and go.
I believe giving in to one another helps in lasting that friendship.
However you are unhappy to me, I'll try to change back.
To be the friend of yours, cause I dont want to lose anybody.
Is only when I can gain that respect, then can I take that chance to lead.
For now, I can only picture myself walking alone.
But what I want is a picture of 21 of us walking together,
overcoming every obstacles strongly.
What I see now is each individual dreading on so much things,
lacking of so much confident, motivation.
Is that going to carry on?
Or is someone willing to take the initiative?
Unhappiness here and there, spilling out like nobody's business.
Ending one's friendship like there's no significant to it.
I do wish to care, I hope to be the one holding everyone together.
You may think I dont bother much anymore,
but to certain extend, I'm not capable of it.
Cause day by day, I get so demoralised,
I lack that confidence.
Discouraged.
Somehow, there is always this feeling hanging around
"Why should I train so hard? It's getting me to nowhere."
But you know what? The team needs you.
Each individual have her own strength.
Is only when you succeed in strengthening your incapabilities
and excel in your strength, then you made it.
I really hope everything will start from scratch.
I cant hang on to such days,
it's killing me.

I apologies for taking such a stand.
I can only hope for the best.

Create a miracle in our team.

24 May 09

Change

that's the word.

I'm deproving.

I dont feel the push anymore.

Lord, please help strengthen all of us,

pull us back in one.

And give us the fighting spirit,

the confidence lvl and the enthusiasm to move on.

Cause,

We are not going to stop here.

I believe this is just the beginning,

\After every sunset is a happy ending that no one knows\

Maybe after each stepping stone set for us,

We learn and get stronger.

It take time to built us up,

But we also need that little CHANGE from all of us,

to recieve that happy ending.

22 May 09

Change for a better?

I'm getting this phone.
RAH! the Pretty Red one is out of stock! :(
I'm getting the Blue one.

Today had O' lvl PE trial.
Fun :D
I hope MrYeo is able to accomodate with me.
Triple Science+ PE.
I really think PE would be fun!
See my EOY results(:
School this few day's really boring.
I'm always going school to sleep.
After O'lvl trial, went running with Chan&Shaun.
Then came back hall play badminton.
Then Market and home(:

Tomorrow training,
hope things will go well.
I'm praying hard for each training to be enjoyable for all.
And that we can bond a little more after each passing day.
Hoping everybody would be a little more open to one another.
really damn terrible to have training in a quiet environment and no competitive feeling.
like, everyone goes training for the sake of it.
not anymore passion or love to it.
during game, there's no more"I'm going to win!" kind of feeling.
Hopefully EOY Taiwan trip will help.
I really wish the team to play as a team and not individually.
I miss C Div. 09
Feel so much different.
Eventhough all C Div girls promote to B Div.
But it isnt changing the fact that the mood/atmosphere isnt right.
We are heavily pressured huh?
No Championship title next yr, no Niche?
Carry on and I dread the outcome.
:(( Maybe it takes time yeah?
Try learning to love B Div. Enjoy it.

P r o b l e m F r e e ?
HeavyHeavyStones.
After that sudden break down,
I feel much better.
So much So much So much. of everything.
But, I wont know when is the next.
Lord will find a way(:
I believe he will answer to my prayers.
Nobody can help, all I can do is trust Him.
Sleeping may be the best cure, but I cant sleep forever.
A little bit longer and I''ll be fine.
It all take time,
I believe you and I are learning to accept it.
Cause I can feel the distant.
You do not belong to me, I cant have you.
You said Time will heal the lost.
Are you undergoing it now?

Dont worry, I'm fine.

All I need is your love :D

Cause whatever happens,

I know you are there for me to grumble at.

There for me to bite/pinch/vent my anger/sorrows

I know you give in to me a lot

I know how much you want me to be happy

I know how much you "tolerate" me

like, although you want to know more, but you know I wont say& I might get angry.

but you never utter a word of regret

whenever you say "I'm worried" I feel so loved.

:D

TreasureLOVETreasureTRUSTTReasureYOUTreasure.

ICECREAM please!

21 May 09

:(

I'm tired.Very tired.

Crying and praying my hearts out each night,
for a better tomorrow.
I feel so lethargic.
So, uncontrolled.
Everybody have their own problems,
but still, see them smile each day.
whether or not is a forced-out smile,
they still manage to pull themselve together,
Why cant I?
I still need to go on however much I want it to stop.

TerribleStupidPatheticLousyHurtfulTearsAnger

15 May 09

Perhaps.

Hello earthlings!

"I dont want go school!"
Like some kindergarten kids huh,
school's really boring.
Teachers and students dont have the heart to teach/learn anymore.
Teachers are tired of marking, students are tired of studying.
But now, students are very bored because other than studying,
there's nothing else on mind.
MsTan(tuition teacher) and Mr Li(HMT teacher) both claims that our Chinese paper 2 is kind of "crap". The setter(ChenRongLi&some other teachers) are mad. The answer is obviously correct but they claim it's wrong. The passage never state anything about that question/ answer and you expect us to understand?

Anyway,
I went ate sushi with Japan& X.P today at YCK sports hall there.
I ate 8 plates(:
Japan 6.
X.P 3.
Haha! I not bad huh :D
Home at 3plus, straight away sleep till 5 plus.
Bathed then went out for dinner.

Training tml and Sunday :D
I'm not going to miss Sunday training again :D
then I'm going to go watch "Angels&Demons!"

Btw, other than Pokemon,

I've been entertaining myself with PCK this few days.

Laugh till drop!

I want a new phone!
I want new shoes!
I want Black Mizuno Kneepads!
I want School to end quick!
I wantIwantIwantIwant!

I really need your hug badly,

feel so wrong this few days.

Feel so lost

Haha, I really think I would have died if you werent mine!

LoveYou.

:D random.
Bananana. LOVE!

Jesus is Lord :D

Pathetic! I was trying my skills/luck. I spent $2 on 4 lollipops.

haha! Ridiculous(credits to X.P)

Unglam.

Kim Ju Eun. I love her too :D

Subway! Eat Fresh :"D
Pathetic sculpture.

You are not mine, I cant have you.
If I force it, It's never going to be a happy ending.
I think I've got tired of this.
A part of me have already given up.
the another part persist on,
;Cause I've never learnt to let go.
It's never going to start, it's never going to end.
It depends most on your choice and action.

14 May 09

Define Happiness

Update:

sorry for not posting for long,
thanks to my laziness(:

results: terrible.
Maths: 63/80
Science: 81/100
English: (forgot)B3 I think.
H.Chinese: (Pathetic!)C6?
Lit: (Fail)20/50
Geog: 53/100
DnT: 72/100[?]

Trainings started :D
School's meaningless.
Mood: Down.

I'm lucky to have you as mine.